Me and Bobbie McKee

sky-gate

 

For the last month or so, my DVR has been filling up a lot more than usual.  Dirty laundry has piled up until the weekends.  And my dog just sits and stares at me, trying to figure out what’s going on.  But the new laptop with the advanced keyboard that at first had me severely frustrated is now my new best friend.

Just as many of you have mentioned having yourselves, I’m going to have to force myself to come up with a designated sort of schedule for blogging and writing or nothing else is going to get done.  I feel a bit unbalanced, off-kilter with the many other things that have to be tended to.

But even though my scales are a bit tilted right now, there’s a wonderful blessing in all of this busyness – a blessing that feels like the bud on the Oriental Lily in my yard, bursting forth with a brilliance that’s breathtaking and oh so beautiful.

Let me tell you what I mean:  My Daddy always told me I carried the weight of the world on my shoulders.  And that was while I was still in school, years ago.  I’ll not go into the marital arena, so read between the lines there.  My daughter told me years ago that I think too much, so I learned to limit the degree of which I ramble on with her. There’s been only one person with whom I learned that I could let my thoughts fly free without reservations.  A co-worker with whom I worked for 15 years:   Bobbie (Barbara) McKee.

We took morning and afternoon breaks together, went to dinner quite often.  Her husband sang with a gospel group and we’d travel around to wherever they would be performing, normally on Saturday evenings.    During all these times, we spent hour upon hour talking.  We probably knew more about each other than anyone else in our lives, even our husbands.

We’d discuss every idea you could imagine.  Did we believe in ghosts? did we believe we are the only life forms in the universe? did we believe those who’ve died know what’s going on in the lives of those they loved who are still alive? – those kind of questions.

Then there were the other kinds:  how do those bugs get in those tightly sealed light fixtures?  do fish sleep? and if you pass somebody whose in second place, what place are you in?

Bobbie was a bit older than me but we never gave that a thought at all.  Over time, the endearing look that she’d give me meant the world to me. That look meant that she just knew without even looking at me when I was about to pose a question that would set us off on a wild ride.  We would inevitably take it the distance and would end up laughing so hard we wouldn’t be able to talk.  But my word, the discussions we would have!

Bobbie died in 2005 after being diagnosed only the year before with lung cancer.

Not that Bobbie is never not a part of me, but I was reminded very vividly of our discussions one day last week when a new co-worker, one I’ve known for just a little over one year now, shared a dream with me and off she and I went on one of those wonderful discussions.  I was so elated – all at once for the reminder of Bobbie, for the fascinating talk my friend and I had just had, and for the fact that I was getting to let my mind run rampant for the first time in ages.  I had goosebumps from my toes to my ears and actually had to get up and walk around the building, I was so happy!

And then it dawned on me…the time I am spending here in blogland is essentially the same thing.  I have once again opened myself up to exploring infinite possibilities.  But I am no longer a babe drinking babe’s milk.  Even though I need not fear being drawn into wrong directions or harmful thoughts,  there is a vast and wide volume and variety of viewpoints voiced here.  I am learning to explore other ideas that are outside my own box.  And in doing so, I am finding the path that allows me to maintain my own beliefs and at the same time, consider and converse with others who differ.

Therein lies the blessing.

My daughter says she’s noticed a difference in me lately.  A contentedness.  I know now that it has its roots in my newfound confidence I’m gaining through re-connecting with myself.  I have, in a very real way, returned to myself. I am me again.  And it’s been a very, very long time since I’ve fully been ‘me’.  I am able to speak the truth here, with no pretenses, no reservations.  That is very free-ing.  And it is boiling over into other areas of my life, but I’ll save that for another post.

Thank you, my friends, for giving me back myself.

 

 

 

 

92 thoughts on “Me and Bobbie McKee

  1. Sorry for the loss of your friend. This:
    “Bobbie was a bit older than me but we never gave that a thought at all. Over time, the endearing look that she’d give me meant the world to me. That look meant that she just knew without even looking at me when I was about to pose a question that would set us off on a wild ride. We would inevitably take it the distance and would end up laughing so hard we wouldn’t be able to talk. But my word, the discussions we would have!”
    made me smile. In the early 2000s, I was friends with a woman named Jhazzai who kept in touch via email after she fled Cleveland for a bigger city. I remember one message that said, “Girrrrl, I always know to light a cigarette before I read your updates about your love life.” We fell out of touch, but I think of her often.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You read my mind! I feel the same and there has been a change in me and my relationships. I have always wanted to write but perfectionism stood in my way. Anxiety didn’t help either because my mind would go blank. Now I have no shortage of topics. My family and friends no longer have to hear my ramblings because there is an audience for every topic even if it is a audience of one. Not to mention the friends I have made and the things I have learned an stories I have enjoyed. We bloggers have inquisitive minds and a need to share not to mention emotions that need to feel fresh air. Only we understand what it means to us.🌸

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  3. I need to find a schedule too. Right now, I blog and connect whenever I get a chance. In other words, every spare minute that I have 🙂 I love it here 🙂 It always brightens my day 🙂 My daily chores have suffered a little, but they don’t bring me near the joy and fulfillment that writing does. For now, the chores will have to to wait 🙂 You have a wonderful blog by the way 🙂

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  4. A fascinating post, Tammi, and one that makes so much sense. I think many of us find blogging a way of ‘opening up’ and sharing our thoughts and feelings. I’m sorry you lost your dearest friend to such an awful disease, and understand how much you must have missed her. I hope this new lady turns out to be someone you can relate to. But in the meantime, you have your blog. Reading other people’s posts can fill our minds with many interesting things, provoking thought and stirring feelings in us, too. Connecting with others all over the world is a pretty awesome thought!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, it certainly is awesome to ready the fascinating posts from all over the world and see how we’re different yet so much the same. There are very few posts I read that do not give me joy or that I do not learn something from. And I’ve learned also to turn away from the ones that are confrontational before I even get started reading them. Thank you for your kind comments – Bobbie would be proud!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I lost my domestic partner and soul mate of 43 years in 2010 to a sudden cerebral brain hemorrhage. We talked of all those things, too; could finish each other’s sentences and could keep utterly silent together. It seems too much to expect a new version of that extraordinary relationship at this late date, but occasionally I have a vivid sense of how it used to feel to have her physically here…the lovely feel of it comes back. Blogging is a kind of godsend, too, which helps a lot….though I am a bit wary of the addictive power of it. I am still wondering about it, as it is so new. But I like it. And I like what I have read here on your site, too!

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    • Thank you so much for your beautiful comment. My heart goes out to you as I know that even though you are a strong lady, you are not immune to the pain of the loss you feel, none of us are. What is rare, I believe, is having someone like that in our lives at all. As I said, I’m trying to get this blogging under control, because as you said, it is an addictive power of its own. But, let it help keep your confidence up as you absorb the wonderful words that so many of these bloggers author so beautifully – you being one of them. And remember that not only are you gaining strength from the posts, but your followers are gaining strength from your phenomenal insight of having been through something as wonderful – and as tragic – as such a long life you shared with your soul mate. You never know what word you may write that switches that bright light back on for someone out here in blogland. Your posts give me such a sweet joy, a smile throughout them, and will especially now that I’m learning to put ‘you’ behind your words. God Bless You!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. First of all.. LOVED your post!! 🙂
    Second… I am going to date myself but as soon as I saw your post title I heard Janis Joplin in my head LOL! We are blessed beyond measure when God decides to drop people like that in our life. I’m so happy you had Bobbie but so sad she was taken from our earth. Her spirit will always be with you I’m sure.
    It’s very nice to meet you Tammi Kale! I hope you have an awesome week!! 😉 ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • It’s so nice to meet you too Courtney….And only one other person has commented about that ‘Me and Bobbie McGee’ and they mentioned a version I had forgotten about because I hear Janis Joplin every time I say it myself! They said they heard Kris Kristofferson singing it when they read my title. But, yeah, I miss her greatly but I learned about relationships from her, although the real lessons learnt took years to show up and she was no longer around to share it with…..

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      • I never knew Kris did it… I only know the Joplin version. I had to go look it up of course. Did you know “Pink” also did a version of it? *sigh* why can’t people write their own music and leave classics alone? Anyway, I have had a couple of people in my life like your Bobbie. Sometimes I wish they could see who I am now and how their words influenced my life. One of them was my grandmother……

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        • Pink’s a new one for me too – I can’t even imagine that being one she’d do…I associate it also with Crystal Bowersox…yeah I was an American Idol on-again/off-again fan. But I really thought she was talented. I’ve saw her twice now in a little venue here in my hometown and she does an awesome show. And I understand what you’re saying about your grandmother – think of it this way – she’s living on through you with the influences she put in your life that helped make you who you are. I’m bound and determined that my Mama has moved something in my house at one point or another just to confound me — she passed away this past August – (I say that lightly) – but I do believe there’s possibility that they DO know……

          Liked by 1 person

  7. Hooray for being yourself! And for sharing your torrent of thoughts. I have been told I have Busy Brain Syndrome, ha ha! I call this a good thing but not everyone sees it that way — so I think I get where you’re coming from.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Yes, Rachel – I think you know exactly where I’m coming from!! Some people laugh and roll their eyes at some of the comments I come up with, but hey – I’m serious – just think about it!!! Keep your Busy Brain Syndrome alive!! Either it’s a fight against Alzheimer’s by keeping us on our toes – or a dadgum good use of our brains while we have them!

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  8. I love the questions you and Bobbie explored. Do you believe in ghosts? Are we the only life forms in the universe (I’m guessing you mean along with all the myriad life forms on Earth)? I’d love to hear some of your answers. This is quite a touching post. Thank you.

    Liked by 3 people

    • I love it! Yes, tis quite a wide variance of life forms inhabiting Earth, isn’t it?! Short answer to both those questions – yes, I do believe in ghosts and no, I don’t believe Earth lays claim to possessing the only life form in the vast galaxy of infinity. I’m not sure I believe in the type of ghosts written about in haunting tales – those of the chain rankeling and hoo-ing sorts. But, yes, I’ve had occurrences in my life that have convinced me that spirits that have lived before can and do present themselves. And as for other life forms, I’m not sure on that count that I believe in little green men flying around in huge aircrafts, although I don’t necessarily rule it out. The life forms I believe exist are ….huh, hard to explain. Celestial — able to visit us in ways we can’t comprehend yet at the same time can’t deny — this one keeps me on my toes….. How about you? Do you believe in these things and/or other ‘outside the norm’ possibilities?

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  9. Thanks for stopping by my blog. I’m glad I came by to read this. Sorry for your loss but glad you are sharing yourself again. I think your friend would be happy knowing you felt this way about her but since you talked about everything I’m sure she already knew! It was nice that we got to know her a little as well, rest in peace Bobbie!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for that beautiful comment! I had other reasons – the benefits I’m deriving from blogging, how I have felt her loss – as the focus of my post, but you’ve just made me realize that yes, it is a memorial to her! Thank you for this comment! That’s beautiful!

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  10. Thank you for sharing, and thank you for being here.
    Your sharing is evidence that your birth was a gift to us all.

    I quote myself:
    “Ourstory (the people’s stories) is a contrast to the deceptive His-Story (history) that most people accept as fact.
    His-story is programmed deception via institutions and commercialism within a worldwide monetary system of control.
    The World Dialogue is part of Ourstory, the people’s story.

    Thus far, only we the people are sharing it via the internet with millions of blogs, websites, podcasts, and social sites (I expect this to change eventually and Ourstories will be popular and accessible to everyone in all media, sharing audience’s immediate feedback and comments, displayed for everyone).
    We, the people of Earth, do not always agree and may have conflicting perspectives and this is to be expected.
    But it does not mean we must fight and go to war over it, because as we share ourstories we find common ground and develop empathy with awareness and shared experiences instead of ignorance, fear and anger.
    Our worldwide awareness and connections increase along with our insights and creativity.”

    https://ronmamita.wordpress.com/2013/02/23/full-disclosure-again/

    LOVE & Wholeness
    Ron

    Liked by 2 people

    • Oh my goodness!! I almost deleted the email notifying me of your comment before I realized it was one I had saved to go back to when I had more time to absorb what you were saying….Now you have got to read my experience of what happened in the waiting room I was in this past Friday. I experienced a room of kindness shared among total strangers – it has given me the hope that once we all reach the awareness that it is possible to exist in ways other than the way we attempt to solve problems today, that kindness among all peoples will be possible. Bless you, bless you for this comment!!!

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    • Thank you Bonnie! I so agree! And I’m finding the more I’m ‘me’ here, the more open everyone else is becoming towards me….although I think the truth lies the other way around – it’s ME becoming more open towards THEM! I look forward to talking with you more!

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  11. I just want you to know that to wake up and find a new follower to my blog is very much like what you write about here in your post on friendships and blogging. During the night I dreamt that I met my daughter at her young age and we both explained something essential that I could blog about

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    • Oh my! I do know what you mean about what it feels like to see we have a new follower! Sort of like a positive confirmation that we’re moving in the right direction….And if you’re daughter is anything like mine, I’m sure she gave you some ideas – of one sort or another. I think that’s the hardest part I’ve found about writing these posts….I critique them through her eyes before I hit publish — and she’s my harshest (and best) critic! It’s great to meet you!

      Like

  12. I immediately thought of the song by Kris Kristofferson song, “Me and Bobby McGee,” Freedom’s just another word for nothin’ left to lose / Nothin’, don’t mean nothin’ hon’ if it ain’t free.” Perhaps you have found your freedom. All the best to you!

    Liked by 1 person

    • If I had a bell and you could hear me ringing it you’d be the winner! Every time I think of me and Bobbie McKee, Kris and Janis are right there with me too! And yes! Freedom is such a wonderful thing – especially waking up and finding it after not even knowing I was imprisoned by things in the past, or blindness to things in the now. I hope you have a beautiful weekend!

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  13. I recognize the picture! I’m glad that you liked and used it, to illustrate your text! Whenever you will find a interesting picture on my photoblog, you can use it without any restraint. For me it is an honor, if you’ve done it! 😀

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    • I am so glad you responded! I know when I explored the amazing pictures on your blog that you said they could be used freely so I copied several. And for whatever reason – a reboot, answering another comment, etc – I lost the source of where I’d gotten them and I’m sorry. In the future, I will certainly reference you so everyone who doesn’t know of your great collection can find you.

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    • Thank you, Karen. It’s really a great feeling getting back to where I’m comfortable in my own skin and can feel like I’m being a positive contributor in my little circle of the world rather than just one who occupies space. Have a great day!

      Liked by 2 people

    • Yes – that explains the things happening in my life perfectly – little day to day tidbits that are making my feet feel alittle lighter on the ground – Thanks for your wonderful comment. I hope you have a blessed day!

      Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, and now that I’m found I’m hanging on with all I am to never get lost again. And losing Bobbie is something I never completely grieved over. It’s kind of odd how with knowing her so well that I just know now that she’s ok and still with me in a sense. But that’s also something that I’ve realized during this same time frame as I wrote about – that I didn’t realize how very much I was actually missing her until I saw how I had been closed off from anyone that I could truly relate with. Maybe that was her helping carry me thru…..

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    • That has been what I’ve been considering – although I haven’t gotten it underway yet, if I would get up earlier for reading and commenting maybe I wouldn’t be as eager to check the posts before I took care of other things after work each day. Once I sit down to my computer in the evenings, that’s ‘all she wrote’ ! Thanks for the comment!

      Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you! And a great example of exactly what I’m trying to say…..how much you all are inspiring me! And your consistent, dependable posts are ones I look forward to!

      Like

    • Thank you, Cynthia. Yes, if I believed in such things, which I don’t, the conversation last week was very much like what people liken ‘chanelling’ a spirit too. But, in a way, yes, the part of her that lives in my heart was awakened in a flash and I felt her dancing in my soul and telling me to keep on going, that I’m on the right track finally!

      Liked by 2 people

  14. I can so relate to this post and your thoughts on sharing your feelings and opinions. “No longer a babe”..that speaks to me! I also enjoy getting to know others with different belief systems that I would never get the chance to know in my day to day. I love having my mind taken on different paths. So glad I found your blog!

    Liked by 2 people

    • That’s so true – getting to know people in our day to day lives is sometimes very hard. I work in the corporate world, and it’s very difficult to know if people are truly on the level and really who they seem to be – so often they are one way to one group of people and entirely different with another. Hard to trust people like that enough to really get to know them. I hope you are having a good week!

      Liked by 1 person

    • We just keep hitting on similarities in ourselves!! When I first read this comment I heard the lines to Twilight Zone in my mind….I started to try to type them out here but was afraid you’d think I was off my rocker – if you’re familiar with the program, you know what I mean…do do do do ( I just couldn’t resist!)

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  15. You summed up my feelings about blogging as well. It is a great place to find like-minded folk and the WP community is quite supportive and kind. I think we all need to feel heard and connected to another on a deeper level. It isn’t easy in the day-to-day world, I’ve found few with whom I’ve felt that connection. But with the internet the nets have been thrown wide and it is wonderful what it has brought me. Blessings!

    Liked by 2 people

    • And Blessings to you also, Eliza! I am ‘talking’ with so many warm hearted people here, such as yourself, that it is a good feeling in the midst of so much coldness we can encounter to have our friends here for support.

      Liked by 1 person

  16. Thanks for sharing such a lovely post, Tammi. There’s nothing more devastating than losing someone so close. I hope the course of your new friendship moves in the direction you seek.

    Liked by 2 people

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